hows it goin where you are? i miss you like crazy :/ i wish i couldve had more time with you but im glad i got the time that we did have together. theres so much i have to say, and i guess that why im writing this. Theres so much thats happened since you were taken away from me....and i know that night you probably tired calling and im sorry i didnt answer my phone. i should've paid more attention, you always paid attention to me. i didnt think there couldve been anything wrong, and you know i was out with hector and gilbert and i hadnt seen them in a long time.....im just SO sorry, i got drunk and wasnt paying attention to my phone. i wonder if i wouldve answered if i couldve saved your life. if i wouldnt have been so selfish would you still be here. sometimes i want to pick up my phone and call you, then i remember i cant call you anymore, i cant tell you what im thinking about or that im listening to your favorite Michael Jackson song and how much i miss you singing it :')
You never got a chance to meet juan, and you werent around for my whole crazy pregnancy. im sorry it didnt work out the first time, but thats the past. you would love Xavier, he loves the Beatles haha the first time i put them on for him he was throwing a fit and they started playing and he instantly calmed down. i wish you couldve been there for me, thru the morning sickness, heat flashes, heart burn, weight gain, stretch marks!!! UGH i think it wouldve been easier with my best friend around. i know i did some mean stuff and i dont think i ever apologized enough for fucking up. im trying so hard not to cry right now its ridiculous.
your in my dreams alot and your always telling me your not dead, your alive. boy i wish that was true. i cant help but think about you all the time, ill never be able to tell you how much i miss you. how much appreciated you, you brought me into this world and you may not have had me for very long but you were a huge staple in my life. ill never forget you. i cant wait till i lose all this baby weight so i can get your tattoo, i know you would kill me but if you saw what i have in mind you would happy cry. theres still so much more i can say but i know your watching over me and i want to thank you. sometimes i smell your clothes and i hug them and cry. they still smell like you.....and i never want to lose that scent. ill never forget it.....i have to go so i can sit here quietly with these tears streaming down my face. i miss you so much.................i wish i could see your face and get one more hug, and maybe a few recipes ive been craving pork and beans hahaha. i love you FOREVER and im sure ill see you again some day
love always,
your baby girl
Rachael <3
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